Single People and the Holidays

Consider how to provide emotional support to singles during the next six weeks.

Thanksgiving begins the six-week annual period of awkward co-worker interactions, difficult family conversations, and insulting single friends inadvertently. For some this period is positive and affirming. For most it is a tiring season.

Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash

It’s easy to insult and cause stress for singles over the holidays. While it is natural and caring to make sincere inquiries about families and holiday plans, watch for indications that these conversations are causing pain to others. With a little effort it’s easy to avoid hurting single friends and co-workers.

Hopefully, most are in healthy relationships with their spouses, children, parents and siblings. However, most single people don’t have the same support systems over the holidays. Here are a few suggested “don’ts” and “do’s” to help support singles as they navigate the emotional holidays.

DON’TS

Don’t invite two single friends to a holiday gathering with the hope that they may begin dating. There’s nothing worse than being expected to like someone you’ve just met.

Don’t offer dating or family advice unless you are asked to provide your insights.

Don’t share extensive details about personal plans, family history of specific traditions, the most holiday with your spouse or children unless you are asked. Holidays are time to celebrate family and friends, not an opportunity to show off or to lift your social status.

For single people feelings of loneliness may transmute into a sense of isolation when hammered with all the lovely plans of those who have traditional events. For overly emotional singles, sharing all of the exciting details of personal plans may even lead to depression.

If when sharing the details of holiday plans, “We are going to….” is met with a physical or verbal sigh, stop sharing. Don’t apologize, you are not responsible for the single person’s issues. However, change the conversation to a mutually enjoyed topic.

The holidays are an opportunity for biological families, co-workers, friends, and church communities to celebrate their connections. The holidays should not be an opportunity to apply social pressure nor to pass judgement on single individuals.

DO’S

When inviting singles to a party or dinner, just ask. Don’t probe about their plans first, as if the single person is not a priority but one is just being nice by making an insincere offer. A statement such as “Hey, if you don’t have plans for the holiday, I’d like to invite you to my place” is better than “Do you have plans?”

Make a plan with a favorite single. The holidays are largely about affirming relationships and sharing good times. Take the time to schedule an event with a single person to celebrate the importance of their presence.

Celebrate in groups. Invite multiple singles from friends, co-workers and church to a mixed celebration.

Finally, let the single friend determine whether or not they want to discuss their awkward relationship to the holidays. Not everyone had a pleasant childhood for example, and too many questions can make someone feel isolated and defensive.

The goal of the holiday celebrations should be to enjoy each other in a celebration of close relationships. Don’t offend and isolate single people by making them feel more lonely.